Valuation Model

Dear Diary:

Today, after a series of events I won’t bore you with, I started thinking about my grandfather on my mother’s side. He was the only grandparent I knew on my mother’s side. My grandmother passed away when my mother was four.

In September of 2008, after the market crisis, which was already a reality, finally struck home and was admitted by our country’s leaders and after Lehman fell, my mother’s and father’s side had a family reunion at the same time in the same region of the world (it was weird, it was like the planets aligned and the forces were united). I was close to my grandfather when I was younger, but then we moved away and he became only a voice over the phone.

I remember being very worried about my job security. My mother and father didn’t pressure me to go to the family reunion. I knew they wouldn’t give me a hard time if I said I had to work (or at least, show up to work and pretend to be busy). For a while, I planned on not going.

However, in the quietude of my deliberation, I knew that my former BigLaw job wasn’t worth passing up seeing my grandfather, even though he was in great health for his age and I could probably see him some other time. I didn’t know it then, well, I didn’t admit it then rather, that BigLaw didn’t make me happy. At that time, I still defined myself by the position I held and the things I bought and the suits I wore even though I was miserable.

I’m still amazed that I chose to take off for 10 days (it was overseas) to go to the family reunion in September of 2008 instead of just buckling under the pressure and staying to work (or look like I was working) out of fear of losing the one thing that I defined my worth by (it’s like in high school when you date that really hot and popular person, even though he/she sucks and treats you like shit and you’re miserable, so you can rise in social status). I wish I could say those ten days were fun but they were filled with the usual family reunion drama, nagging, competitive relatives, siblings trying to outshine each other, second aunts telling you how much you’ve grown when you can’t really tell them apart, the loser in law who is a shady plaintiff’s attorney lecturing you on why he’s a better lawyer than you and your fancy suits, etc. etc. At the end of the vacation, I needed a vacation.

Anyway, for whatever reason I decided to go and risk my BigLaw job and I’m glad I did. My grandfather passed away from a heart attack in January of this year and that was the last time I saw him (the last time I saw him before that, I was in my teens).

This was probably an easier decision for me than it may be for some of you because, as you have probably picked up, I wasn’t too jolly in BigLaw. But even then, I almost passed up seeing my grandfather for a job that made me want to string binder clips together and hang myself in the supplies closet.

Now I’m not saying that you should take 10 days off and go frolic with your family. If you’re not happy in BigLaw, I’m also not saying to quit, I’m saying you better admit to it to yourself to prevent from sacrificing things that are actually more valuable than your job and then later regretting it.

It’s simple logic. If you sacrifice X for Y, make sure Y is more valuable than X. It might be that BigLaw is your dream job, it is what gets you going in the morning, and it is more important to you than family (I’d hate to be you). But if it’s not, make sure you know that. Make sure during the valuation of your life and the things in it, your model correctly reflects the true value of your job. And don’t just use the blue book value or the value that other people tell you it has, be honest with yourself and use the value that correctly reflects whether it is a mint condition Maybach 57 or a beat up rusty piece of shit with rips in the sticky nylon seats that smells oddly of cat piss and cotton candy.

Just figure it out.

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