Flying Solo – Apex

I will be the first to admit that flying solo, setting off on my own and hanging my own shingle has left me scared shitless.

It’s a pretty scary idea. Your failure and your success all depends on just you.

Alot of people I’ve met are skeptical about whether I’ll stay with my own firm even after the market picks up, and rightfully so. I won’t lie that going back to BigLaw if there was an opportunity to do so is very tempting.

However, I’m reminded of this roman story I read when I was forced to take latin instead of spanish like I wanted to by my Asian parents. I can’t quite recall the author or much else but the story goes a bit like this:

A woman and her two sons are driving a wagon into the city filled with vegetables and such to sell at the farmer’s market. The horse dies on the way there leaving them stranded. The sons then take the yoke and pull the incredibly heavy wagon (with the mother sitting on top) into the city.

As they enter the gates of the city, all the people stop and stare at the mighty feat of the two dutiful sons and the proud mother sitting atop the wagon with awe and admiration. The mother then prays to the Gods to reward her sons for their great feat and for showing respect for their proud mother.

The gods then strike the sons down and kill them where they stood.

The reasoning was that this was the height of their lives: young, strong, admired by everyone, loved by their mother, and respected by the gods for their feat. So the Gods strike them down at the pinnacle so that they are remembered at the apex of their lives.

Things only go downhill from there (so the story goes). Gotta love the Romans.

Looking at my life, I don’t think BigLaw was my apex. I’m not going to rag on BigLaw (we’ll leave that to Laid Off in the Laid Off Diaries) but to be truly honest, I did feel unfulfilled in BigLaw. Not so much because I thought I could do better (the attorneys are among the best and the brightest afterall) but because I thought I could do better for myself and find something that fit me better that made me happier.

While it’s tempting to try to get back into the fold and will be very tempting if my firm flounders and BigLaw is hiring again, but I don’t want to be struck down by the gods with  BigLaw being the apex of my life (or career).

Starting a law firm, like starting any business, requires 110% effort. It isn’t really something you should back into just because you can’t get into BigLaw. So you really need the entrepreneurial drive and the cahones to do it so I don’t want you to misunderstand and think that I’m starting my own firm because I couldn’t get back into BigLaw.

It’s the question “Why not me” coupled with the idea that BigLaw was not the end point of my career.

So, this is what has kept me trucking along. While my law firm has only been around a few weeks, the yearn for starting off on my own started months ago (and may have even been in the back of my head while toiling and drooling away in BigLaw).

My father, a traditional Asian parent, is scared shitless that I’m starting my own law firm too but he’s been surprisingly supportive (quietly supportive) mainly because I think he thinks I could do better than BigLaw (again, better as in, find a better fit that makes me happier).

He used to say that BigLaw was the top of a mountain that I worked hard to get to and I could stay on top of that mountain and do fine. But if I really want to go to the top of that other taller mountain in the distance and reap all the rewards that I’m not getting where I am, I’m going to have to climb/run/tumble down the mountain I’m on and give up all the advantages it has to offer and climb/claw my way up the other mountain.

So…now that I’ve tumbled, I’m here clawing my way back up.

Related posts:

1. Flying Solo
2. Sparks Flying as Proxy Season Heats Up