Captain, My Captain

Dear Law Shuckers:

It’s been a long time since my last entry in the Laid Off Diaries. Partially, yes, I got drunk and spilled beer on some of the pages and had to lay it on the heater for a few days to dry it out. But the other partial reason is because I got a new in-house gig a few months ago with the company I had been eyeing while still in BigLawanamo Bay. And I’ve learned a few things (actually, I just learned that I was right all along):

I know that both Law Shucks and myself (though begrudgingly so) have said this before, but it bears repeating: BigLaw may suck ass, but it definitely helps you down the line. As an in-houser, I’ve dealt with a few attorneys who have been working a decade or two who obviously have years of experience on me but who just lack the training one can only get working on sophisticated deals in an Alcatraz like setting. And it shows. And it slows things down.

Another thing that BigLaw offers is guidance though this isn’t necessarily a good thing. BigLaw offers guidance like a shepherd to his sheep; except we’re not sheep. When you just start out, it’s good to know that you’re a first year–you are on the bottom of the shit pile but at least you know your place. You follow orders, you don’t talk back (except to your non-BigLaw friends where you strut yourself like a cocky asshole), and you sit and take notes but never say anything and collate collate collate. When you’re a second year, you’re still neck high in shit, but at least you’re standing on someone else and you can go onto your firm’s intranet and look at pretty little bullet points of things second years should have a grasp on (besides checking for commas, westlaw research, and ass kissing). Then you’re a midlevel…then, if you’ve survived long enough, you’re a senior associate and the firm tells you if you’re on partnership track or not. It’s pretty simple and easy being told your place and when you get paid the big bucks, it doesn’t matter that you aren’t the captain of your own ship.

But once you’ve been tossed to sea, you don’t really know if you’re on track. Are you where you should be at this point in your career? in your life? Are you starting over at ground zero by going back to school? by changing careers? by floating on until inspiration strikes? or are you finally on the right path? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that being on partnership track is the right track in one’s career or even life, I’m just saying at least it’s a track and you see progress instead just a whole bunch of trees and shit (yes, I switched metaphors, but you guys are all smart enough to keep up) and it gives you some comfort because let’s be honest, it’s scary as shit to be out there by yourself. You have to give it up to the musicians, artists, and entrepreneurs for not just selling out (I’m sorry, “buying in” like we did) but what they do is scary shit, i.e. following their dreams. (side bar: I hate how all I can hear is that stupid “Unwritten” song in my head by Natasha Bedingfold while I write this.) Please note, I am not advocating that we all return to being 16, shop at Hot Topic, headbang to Avril Lavigne, and sit around in our “angst” and reflect on how lost we are and go live in the woods, I’m just saying, it’s hard and scary striking out on your own, especially if you’re not a trust fund baby with a nice cushion to fall back on.

All I can say is that I may have taken a pay cut (albeit a small one), but this is the path where I should be on. Not BigLaw. Or perhaps it was not a different path but a continuation of the same path all along as I definitely needed not only the BigLaw name on my resume but also the BigLaw training. But it was worth it for me to go through this soul-searching. Yes, some of you naysayers say that I didn’t choose to soul-search but was forced to, but whatever the cause, it doesn’t lessen the value of the journey and the lessons learned. And I’m glad it happened. I’m sorry if that scares some people in their safe BigLaw cave that some of us are happier out here.

So now that I’ve found my path…for the time being…it’s time for someone else to share their journey of being tossed to sea after tossing BigLaw’s salad. And it’s fine if you don’t have a plan other than cursing 5 minutes every morning when you wake up while reflecting on your BigLaw and legal career, but if you have a story to share and a story to write and can put your game face on and put your self-pity on hold, please let us know! We are looking for the next person to take my place with your new adventures in funemployment!

[And of course, since we're all lawyers here, the legal disclaimer is that your new story won't be called Laid Off Diaries since I own that TM/name/copyrights, etc. etc.]

Related posts:

1. Journey
2. Devil Wears Prada
3. Falling Forward
4. Lying
5. Linear Thinking